The second trailer for the new Three Musketeers swashbuckling movie (that’s swords and fancy moustaches, not singing children with mouse-caps) hit the web last week. Have a look. If you dare.
Somewhere in the press, it’s being called a “reboot of the classic novel.” How awesome is that? I’ll tell you how much: It’s NOT awesome at all! It has the Awesome Content of approximately NONE. It contains 0.0% U.S. R.D.A. of Awesome!
I am mentally choking down some Methylphenobarbital here to prevent my rage (from rebooting and unnecessarily gussifying movies) from colliding with my ire (at the decline of literature in the modern era) and exploding into a thermonuclear rant which a web-weened pimple-monkey might use the word “Epic” to describe. I mean, do whatever you like on the screen. That’s its own thing entirely but, for the love of hauberks and stilettos (the blades not the Manolos), stop raking the English language over the coals, you feckless, screeching, poo-slinging baboons!
You don’t reboot classic novels!
(Okay, that was a mini-rant)
As for the film itself: Well, you know, looks kind of fun. And as far as adventure goes, Three Musketeers really is a benchmark of buckling that swash. So, if there was ever a single work of fiction which best lends itself to the gluttonous, high-octane approach of modern adventure films, this may be the book — even with the obvious differentiation this flick is taking.
Of course, it IS directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. (Resident Evil, AvP). So it could end up being high-methane bunk which causes Alexander Dumas to pirouette in his grave but … we shall have to see.
Side note: Judging from the trailer, I may end up preferring (and it’s weird that I say this) the Disney version with Charlie “bi-winning” Sheen. Mind you, a great part of that has to do with the use of Michael Wincott (The Crow, Strange Days) who always makes for a delightful villain.
Leave a comment below and give us your take.